Preventing Picky Eating

In many cases, picky eating can be prevented however, some children struggle with picky eating no matter what you do. Every child brings to the table their unique body, temperament, sensory processing, oral motor skills, digestion, and body systems. These factors not only impact how a child feels about food, but how sensitive they are to stress, how easily they become dysregulated, and how flexible they are. Studies show that if a child has developmental delays or sensory processing concerns, they are more likely to experience picky eating rather than selective eating. 

Is my child a picky eater?

It is very rare for a baby to struggle with picky eating. Before 12 months of age, baby is just beginning to learn about real food and how it works. At first, challenges are natural and generally not a cause for concern. Learning how to eat takes lots of time and practice. 

When we are asked if a baby is a picky eater, we assume that the child simply needs patience, not pressure. That said, if you have been consistently bringing baby to the table for a month or so, and the child is showing no signs of success or progress, it may be time to workshop solutions. See Handling Food Refusal with Babies for how to navigate common challenges.

Picky eating tends to show up in toddlerhood, and it is often confused with selective eating--a natural developmental stage that typically begins in the second year of life. Selective eating is not the same as picky eating. Picky eating takes toddler selectivity to a new level.

Picky eating is often related to emotions of anxiety or fear of food and mealtime and underlying issues related to sensory processing, oral motor skill challenges, or developmental delay. See Picky Eating vs. Toddler Selectivity to understand the differences. 

How do I prevent picky eating?

Preventing picky eating starts in infancy. If baby learns that mealtimes are social and joyful, their selective eating phase will be short lived once they become toddlers. 

If your child is past this point, do not worry. There are strategies to prevent picky eating, which you can implement with your infant or toddler. In our clinical work as pediatric professionals, we have supported many children through selective eating and helped prevent picky eating by following the steps:

Create a positive eating environment.

Research shows that one of the most important steps that you can take to prevent picky eating in toddlerhood is to create a positive mealtime environment starting as early as possible.

Think about it like this: if you want baby to grow into a child who loves swimming or playing soccer, you want to spend many hours with them, showing them how fun those activities can be. You want them to naturally discover through daily positive exposure that the activity is interesting and fun. Pushing, pressuring, and forcing nearly always steal the joy from the activity. 

The same approach applies to food and mealtimes. Below are a few ideas to get you started. For a comprehensive tip sheet on how to create a positive eating environment, check out our free guide, Do’s and Don’ts for Raising a Happy Eater.

Eat together when you can.

When possible, eat alongside a child and serve the child the same food that you are eating, modified in a way that is safe and responsive to their eating skills. Few things are as powerful for preventing picky eating as eating together as soon as baby starts solids and during the toddler years. Research suggests that eating a family meal just three times per week is enough to reap benefits, such as reduced picky eating, improved mental health, better grades, and resiliency as a child ages. Even if you plan to have your meal at a different time, enjoying a few bites of the same food with a toddler is invaluable. 

Channel joy. 

It’s not just about eating together. If you come to the table with stress and worry, fretting about what and how much the child eats, the child feels these emotions, too. Create a positive mealtime environment by trying to show up with a calm, joyful attitude. Talk about the food even if you think baby can’t understand you. Show how much you enjoy the food and being in company with the child. Put on soothing background music if possible. Give the child space to discover how to eat at their own pace within this supportive social environment. You would not comment on how much your friends were eating at a dinner party, so unless absolutely necessary, try not to comment on what or how your child is eating. This approach goes a long way toward preventing picky eating down the road.

Foster curiosity. 

Infants are natural born explorers and the majority of that exploration happens with their hands and with their mouth. They love discovering and figuring out how to do new things on their own. Lean into this stage of curiosity to set a strong foundation of joy at the table. This starts by letting them get messy and allowing them the space to self-feed and even play with food, while you enjoy your own meal.

Ask questions (even when your child is too young to answer you). Show them interesting things about the food, use descriptive words to talk about it, or tell them stories about what you served. Show baby how you peel the banana to find the delicious fruit inside or ask your toddler to find the golden ball inside of a hard boiled egg. Try to see the food through the child’s eyes (as brand new) and be curious about what it might feel, smell, taste, and even sound like in your mouth as you both discover more about it. 

Focus on exploration, not consumption.

By exploration, we mean touching, smelling, observing, stirring, smashing, pouring, scooping, and other actions around food that do not include eating. Infants and toddlers are naturally curious and developmentally driven to explore. If a child will not eat solid food at mealtime, let go of the idea that you can control what the child tastes or eats, and let the child explore, which research shows eventually leads to consumption over time.

Infants have an important safety net of breast milk and formula, which can meet their nutritional needs even if they don’t eat a single bite of solid food at mealtime. Many toddlers continue to have that safety net as well, which can help fill in the gaps when they refuse to eat solid food at mealtime. In toddlerhood, it is a delicate balance between ensuring the child is hungry enough to eat solid food at the table, and using breast milk and formula as a safety net when needed to assure that pressure is low at the table and the child does not go to bed hungry. 

For ideas on how to help a child explore food in a no-pressure way check out our guide, Interesting Toddlers in Tasting New Foods.

Minimize distractions.

Babies and toddlers are easily distracted—a toy, video, or even a family pet can distract a child and derail their meal. Instead of reactively getting them back to the table, try to prevent distraction before it happens.

Sitting down to eat together with a child will also extend the amount of time that they are willing to sit for a meal.

Do not pressure a child to eat.

The research shows that pressure at the table tends to worsen, not improve, a child’s eating. If you want a child to eat more, pressure them less.

Avoid commenting on what, how, or how much the child is eating unless absolutely necessary, such as when they are unsafe. Instead of commenting on consumption, focus on having a conversation. If a child is too young to have a conversation, try narrating what you see. For example: “Looks like you found the broccoli.” or “Oh look! I see something red on my plate.” Tell a story about yourself or your day, or talk about what the plans are for the day or the week.

Feign indifference to food refusal.

You’ve just made a meal to share, and baby refuses to try it. In these moments, you may want to encourage them to “just taste it” or even pressure them to eat. Don’t give in to this urge. Instead, feign indifference. Pretend as if it doesn’t matter whether they eat or not. Shrug it off and play it cool as you casually model how much you enjoy eating that food.

Often, this lack of emotional response from you, coupled with seeing that you are enjoying the food, is enough for baby or toddler to choose to eat on their own terms. If they ultimately decide not to eat, that’s their choice, too. Respecting it will go a long way in preventing future battles at the table. Instead, focus on your own portion and create a dinner party vibe with conversation, light music, and smiles—even if the child is not eating.

Don’t praise for eating.

As much as you may want to squeal “yay!” or pat the child on the back for tasting the broccoli or tell them what a good job they did, try to refrain from praising them for eating.

If you want to celebrate, focus on praising the skill or the bravery it takes to do something scary or explore something new.

Instead of praising, try narrating what you see. Narration shows a child that you are paying attention, which feels good for all kids, but removes the value judgment. 

Keep sharing new foods.

Even when a child chooses to not eat, focus on exposure and share a wide variety of foods that you want to eat. Simply putting food on the table helps build exposure by encouraging exploration – seeing, smelling, observing, touching, and watching you eat. This continued exposure at the table helps develop and broaden their preferences even as they move into the natural stage of selective eating. 

Let go of what you can’t control

You provide, and the child decides. Simply put, there are things that are not in your control, including if and how much a child eats. You can control what is served, when it is served, and your attitude at meals. You cannot control if a child eats or how much they eat. This research-backed framework has been used in feeding therapy for decades to support families in creating a pressure-free mealtime environment.

As parents and caregivers, it may feel like we can “make them” eat, and when babies are quite young, we do have more influence over them, but that phase quickly fades. Remember:

You have decades of experience and knowledge about food that a child does not yet possess, so it’s reasonable that you get the say on what food goes on the table. While you can and should take a child’s requests and preferences into account, young children are not developmentally ready to determine what groceries are purchased or what a family menu should look like.

It is important to let go of the idea that a parent or caregiver can force a child to eat. Forcing food into a child’s mouth not only increases the risk of choking, it sets up the child to refuse food. 

Because a child controls how much they choose to eat, it is natural that they will make mistakes, which are part of the learning process. Even if you truly believe a child has not eaten enough food to feel full, even if you strongly suspect a child has over-eaten, it is the child’s job to eat and their chance to learn about themselves and food. They know what feels right inside their body at any given time. You can serve, but you should not make them eat.

Remember, a child needs empathetic boundaries and guidance while learning to eat. Setting boundaries is a delicate balance. You want to provide autonomy and respect a child’s hunger and satiety cues while offering compassionate guidance and support.

Set and maintain a consistent mealtime schedule.

Serving table meals on a consistent schedule, and setting times of day when the kitchen is closed, is one of the most powerful tools you have to interest a child in exploring their food.

Most infants should be breast or bottle fed “on demand” in the first several months of life. But table meals are a little different. We want even our youngest eaters to start to anticipate when the table meals will occur and to mentally and physically prepare for their time at the table. It is similar to a consistent bedtime routine, which prepares the child’s brain and body for what’s coming next. At first, solid food meals do not have to run on a strict schedule, but between 12 to 18 months of age, you want to move towards a consistent schedule of 3 main table meals per day, with 1 to 2 snack opportunities added in if desired. 

In many cases, toddlers who refuse meals are simply not hungry enough to consider exploring solid food offered at mealtime. Many of these children are consistently snacking, or eating small amounts of food every hour (or more frequently). Others are drinking large amounts of cow’s milk as a beverage with meals or between meals and snacks. Some may also be taking a significant amount of formula or breast milk from a bottle after one year, or breastfeeding on demand as a toddler. Each of these may impact a child’s hunger at the table, and often small changes to the mealtime schedule can make the difference.

Most experts agree that toddlers and young children need anywhere from three to six meals daily, spaced about every two to three hours apart. A common mealtime schedule is breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner. That’s five meals: three main meals and two snack meals. However, each food culture is different, and while some kids need to have snacks to make it through the day, others thrive on just three meals a day. It is important to be responsive to your family’s needs, so craft a mealtime schedule that fits your culture and your circumstances. 

As a child enters toddlerhood after 12 months of age, we suggest serving three main meals of solid food each day. Remember that any milk or formula offered to the child (breast milk, cow’s milk, formula, etc.) also constitutes a meal. For example, for a young toddler who takes three breast or bottle feeds a day, it is likely that the child does not need snacks in addition to the three main meals of solid food. In fact, the child may not be hungry for three main meals of solid food if they drink large volumes of milk or formula. 

This may not be an issue for all toddlers, but if you notice the child is consistently refusing food, throwing food, and/or displaying a very short attention span at the table, it is time to chase the “why” by identifying what is causing the behavior. Perhaps the child is eating more frequently than five times per day, including both solid food meals and breast or bottle feeds. Or perhaps the child is consuming breast or bottle meals at night in addition to daytime meals. If this sounds familiar, it may be time to tweak your feeding schedule. For example, you might cut back the number of breast milk or formula feeds per day, which can create opportunities for the child to come to the table with a bit more hunger and motivation to eat solid food.

See our Feeding Schedules for more information and ideas on this approach. For how to handle challenging mealtime behaviors, check out our Toddlers at the Table Bundle.